June 29, 2018

PHILADELPHIA, PA—A new study on classroom practices by world language teachers confirms what many have suspected: the nation’s teachers are more divided than ever on how Dr. Stephen Krashen’s revolutionary hypotheses about language acquisition should be misinterpreted, misunderstood and misapplied to support their own instructional preferences.

The study indicates that world language instructors are drifting further apart as proponents of varying practices come to terms with how Krashen’s work should be contorted to fit their own pre-determined teaching style and favorite units.

While teachers on all sides of the issue agree that the principles of comprehensible input should be ripped out of context at will to support one’s previous teaching predilections, they could not be further divided when it comes to exactly how C.I. should be twisted and exploited.

“While some instructors prefer to focus on comprehensibility, others on input, and others just do whatever the hell they want and call it C.I.,” said one researcher.

The “Comprehensibilitists” focus on making sure students understand every single stray comment, many to the point where the target language is barely heard in the classroom in favor of complete understanding of the wit and wisdom of the instructor at all times.

The “Input-ers” tend to focus on delivering massive amount of target language. One input teacher in the study declared, “Hey, the target language is input, so that’s what I do. Duh. I can comprehend it, so it’s C.I., right?”

The other group, termed the “What-the-hell-ers” focus on the latest cool activity and call it C.I.

At press time, few on any side of the contentious issue had bothered to ask Dr. Krashen for his suggestions on how best to distort his ground-breaking work.

Rumor has it that teacher groups are vetting academicians for future distortions of their principles and hypotheses, with Dr. Bill VanPatten, and rising academic, Eric Herman, cited as possibilities.

News that’s fake, but not by much, from brycehedstrom.com your trusted source for educational satire.