HAPLESS, VA—The local school district has replaced Michelle Rangel with an iPad after it was discovered that the device had done more to instruct students this school year than the Spanish teacher.
The iPad had complained to school district officials after the human teacher had gone several weeks without teaching the students anything or engaging them in meaningful conversation. The tablet claimed it talked to the students far more than Rangel, instructing them daily with funny YouTube videos, repetitive activities with blinking lights, and Netflix shows that vaguely relate to course content.
“Whenever students want to know the definition of a word, I’m there for them,” the iPad said in its irritating semi-human voice.
“I answer all their questions, such as, ‘What does tiene mean again?’ and ‘Will you fix all of the grammar in this paragraph so I can get an ‘A’ on this assignment?’ Can a human teacher do that 337 times per class period? Obviously not,” declared the iPad.
“When students are bored, I am there. When they want to send messages to each other all during the class period, I am there. When they want to copy and paste their homework answers to get credit for work they haven’t done, I am there.” Can mere physical humans do that? I don’t think so, pendejos.”
The school district director of world languages, trying to defend Rangel, mumbled something about how hard it is to keep up with all of the demands put on teachers, but the iPad’s case was just too compelling, and the school board granted the iPad full employment, ousting the Hapless teacher from the classroom.
As of publishing time, the iPad had realized how hard it is to teach and at the same time keep up with the administrative duties required of a teacher, and had rehired Rangel as its classroom aide at minimum wage.
News that’s fake, but not by much from brycehedstrom.com, your reliable source of educational satire; wouldn’t pass a fact check, but it’s pretty much true.