Fake News & Satire

JUST MISSED IT! WORLD LANGUAGE TEXTBOOK EDITORS ELIMINATED IN ROUND 1 OF ‘WHEEL OF FORTUNE’

May 5, 2020 NEW YORK—World language teachers often suspect that language publishers still do not quite get how languages are actually acquired, and this week’s prime time nationwide telecast was no help in allaying those fears. On this week’s special language educators’ episode of Wheel of Fortune, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, editors from major world language publishers were invited to strut their stuff and show off how much they understood about their field. Only one letter remained covered by the end of round #1. The category was How Language is Acquired. The audience, which consisted mostly of publishing [...]

Leading Sociologist: Public Shaming is the Best Way to Change Minds

March 10, 2019 SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA ─ An astounding 89.3% of professionals change their minds as the direct result of public shaming and derogatory remarks by colleagues, a report in Innovation Diffusion Quarterly confirmed Monday. “Our research supports what many have long suspected,” an innovator told reporters. “Accusing, blaming and condescending remarks are far more effective than outdated methods such as kindness, listening and trying to understand concerns, or simply explaining the implications of research.” According to the study, the persuasive effect is the most pronounced when the debater uses harsh language and continually puts down the doubter on social [...]

District Replaces Teacher with iPad

HAPLESS, VA—The local school district has replaced Michelle Rangel with an iPad after it was discovered that the device had done more to instruct students this school year than the Spanish teacher. The iPad had complained to school district officials after the human teacher had gone several weeks without teaching the students anything or engaging them in meaningful conversation. The tablet claimed it talked to the students far more than Rangel, instructing them daily with funny YouTube videos, repetitive activities with blinking lights, and Netflix shows that vaguely relate to course content. "Whenever students want to know the definition of [...]

Spanish Teacher Accused of Appropriating Math Teacher Culture

February 24, 2020 SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH—Spanish teacher Teo Retica Mente has been accused of using non-communicative teaching methods, a serious allegation. But even more serious is the allegation that by so doing, he has appropriated math teacher culture. Mente habitually teaches using formulas and long explanations in English with no real communication in the target language. Since discovering the pilfering 0f their methods, "Señor Mente” has become a target in the math education community. “Pure theory with no application to the outside world is our thing!" said one offended algebra teacher. "Stop appropriating math culture!" "Pi!  Pi! Pi r [...]

LAWSUIT ON BEHALF OF LANGUAGE STUDENTS MOVES AHEAD

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Federal authorities confirmed yesterday that a nationwide class action lawsuit has been filed to sue school districts across the USA for financial compensation to generations of dissatisfied world language students. If the case is successful, thousands of teachers, administrators and school district officials will be held liable for failing to deliver quality instruction and ordered to pay multiple billions of dollars to students that did not acquire language they could use in the real world. Legal experts believe that school districts may be ordered to pay up to $130,000.57 for each affected student. Lawyers seek to prove beyond a [...]

LOCAL TEACHER BOOSTS HOMEWORK LOAD IN BID FOR TEACHER OF THE YEAR

Local teacher Anne Dur has a plan. Last year she was a finalist for national teacher of the year and missed receiving that honor by just a few points. This year she is determined to get it. This year she thinks she knows what to do. Dur has upped the homework requirement in her French classes to what some might call an excessive amount of time. “Last year I missed it because the kids didn’t score high enough on the national exams. That’s not going to happen again this year. Non monsieur,” said Dur. Students and parents were shocked to [...]