Fake News & Satire

LAWSUIT ON BEHALF OF LANGUAGE STUDENTS MOVES AHEAD

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Federal authorities confirmed yesterday that a nationwide class action lawsuit has been filed to sue school districts across the USA for financial compensation to generations of dissatisfied world language students. If the case is successful, thousands of teachers, administrators and school district officials will be held liable for failing to deliver quality instruction and ordered to pay multiple billions of dollars to students that did not acquire language they could use in the real world. Legal experts believe that school districts may be ordered to pay up to $130,000.57 for each affected student. Lawyers seek to prove beyond a [...]

LOCAL TEACHER BOOSTS HOMEWORK LOAD IN BID FOR TEACHER OF THE YEAR

Local teacher Anne Dur has a plan. Last year she was a finalist for national teacher of the year and missed receiving that honor by just a few points. This year she is determined to get it. This year she thinks she knows what to do. Dur has upped the homework requirement in her French classes to what some might call an excessive amount of time. “Last year I missed it because the kids didn’t score high enough on the national exams. That’s not going to happen again this year. Non monsieur,” said Dur. Students and parents were shocked to [...]

STUDY: WORLD LANGUAGE TEACHERS DEEPLY DIVIDED ON HOW BEST TO MISINTERPRET KRASHEN’S HYPOTHESES

June 29, 2018 PHILADELPHIA, PA—A new study on classroom practices by world language teachers confirms what many have suspected: the nation’s teachers are more divided than ever on how Dr. Stephen Krashen’s revolutionary hypotheses about language acquisition should be misinterpreted, misunderstood and misapplied to support their own instructional preferences. The study indicates that world language instructors are drifting further apart as proponents of varying practices come to terms with how Krashen’s work should be contorted to fit their own pre-determined teaching style and favorite units. While teachers on all sides of the issue agree that the principles of comprehensible input [...]

By |2018-06-29T11:58:43+00:00June 29th, 2018|Categories: Fake News & Satire, Just for Fun, Krashen, Satire|1 Comment

TRANSFERRED NUTTSVILLE HIGH P.E. TEACHER FIRED

(This is a follow up to an earlier story. See the original story here: https://www.brycehedstrom.com/…/parent-group-vows-to-continu…)   Nuttsville, VA—Nuttsville High School teacher Brigitte Jansen has been fired. Jansen had been placed in a temporary position as Physical Education teacher after a parent group complained about her conduct in French classes. Jansen had been under investigation by the school board for requiring Nuttsville students in her French classes to speak French. She also reportedly had been using “too much French” in her classes. When she was transferred to the P.E. position during the investigation, students in Jansen’s classes began complaining again almost immediately. [...]

By |2018-04-25T21:38:33+00:00April 25th, 2018|Categories: Fake News & Satire, Satire|0 Comments

LOCAL TEACHER CONFIDENT THIS YEAR STUDENTS WILL FINALLY BE FLUENT

SEATTLE, WA—Veteran local Spanish teacher Y.A. Basta, 37, reports he is still confident that this year his attempts will finally be fruitful and yield classes full of fluent speakers after 14 consecutive years of frustration. Basta admits that in the past, students could not remember anything, or even order a cup of coffee in Madrid, despite up to 4 years of intensive study in his classes. While most teachers would cry out, “Enough!” and seek different methods after such a run of failure, Basta is not swayed, confirming to sources that he will “stay the course” until he is successful [...]

By |2018-04-23T17:02:20+00:00April 23rd, 2018|Categories: C.I. Skeptics, Change, Fake News & Satire, Satire|0 Comments

90/10 IS EASY! DECLARES INDIGNANT LOCAL SPANISH TEACHER

GARY, INDIANA─Local teacher Nick T. Bewusst, when questioned by colleagues if he was aware of national guidelines concerning 90/10 language use, quickly and emphatically stated that not only has he done it for years in his Spanish classes, but that it came easily and naturally. “I’ve taught using 90/10 my entire career. Since day one. I don’t understand why it even needs to be discussed and I resent the implication that I don't teach that way.” Since 2011 the American Council  on the Teaching of Foreign Languages (ACTFL) has recommended 90% target language use and just 10% native language use [...]