Fake News & Satire

STUDY: WORLD LANGUAGE TEACHERS DEEPLY DIVIDED ON HOW BEST TO MISINTERPRET KRASHEN’S HYPOTHESES

June 29, 2018 PHILADELPHIA, PA—A new study on classroom practices by world language teachers confirms what many have suspected: the nation’s teachers are more divided than ever on how Dr. Stephen Krashen’s revolutionary hypotheses about language acquisition should be misinterpreted, misunderstood and misapplied to support their own instructional preferences. The study indicates that world language instructors are drifting further apart as proponents of varying practices come to terms with how Krashen’s work should be contorted to fit their own pre-determined teaching style and favorite units. While teachers on all sides of the issue agree that the principles of comprehensible input [...]

By |2018-06-29T11:58:43-06:00June 29th, 2018|Categories: Fake News & Satire, Just for Fun, Krashen, Satire|1 Comment

TRANSFERRED NUTTSVILLE HIGH P.E. TEACHER FIRED

(This is a follow up to an earlier story. See the original story here: https://www.brycehedstrom.com/…/parent-group-vows-to-continu…)   Nuttsville, VA—Nuttsville High School teacher Brigitte Jansen has been fired. Jansen had been placed in a temporary position as Physical Education teacher after a parent group complained about her conduct in French classes. Jansen had been under investigation by the school board for requiring Nuttsville students in her French classes to speak French. She also reportedly had been using “too much French” in her classes. When she was transferred to the P.E. position during the investigation, students in Jansen’s classes began complaining again almost immediately. [...]

By |2018-04-25T21:38:33-06:00April 25th, 2018|Categories: Fake News & Satire, Satire|0 Comments

LOCAL TEACHER CONFIDENT THIS YEAR STUDENTS WILL FINALLY BE FLUENT

SEATTLE, WA—Veteran local Spanish teacher Y.A. Basta, 37, reports he is still confident that this year his attempts will finally be fruitful and yield classes full of fluent speakers after 14 consecutive years of frustration. Basta admits that in the past, students could not remember anything, or even order a cup of coffee in Madrid, despite up to 4 years of intensive study in his classes. While most teachers would cry out, “Enough!” and seek different methods after such a run of failure, Basta is not swayed, confirming to sources that he will “stay the course” until he is successful [...]

By |2018-04-23T17:02:20-06:00April 23rd, 2018|Categories: C.I. Skeptics, Change, Fake News & Satire, Satire|0 Comments

90/10 IS EASY! DECLARES INDIGNANT LOCAL SPANISH TEACHER

GARY, INDIANA─Local teacher Nick T. Bewusst, when questioned by colleagues if he was aware of national guidelines concerning 90/10 language use, quickly and emphatically stated that not only has he done it for years in his Spanish classes, but that it came easily and naturally. “I’ve taught using 90/10 my entire career. Since day one. I don’t understand why it even needs to be discussed and I resent the implication that I don't teach that way.” Since 2011 the American Council  on the Teaching of Foreign Languages (ACTFL) has recommended 90% target language use and just 10% native language use [...]

HOMELESS NOVELS PANHANDLE TO SURVIVE

CHARLESTON, WV—Multiple witnesses claim they’ve spotted groups of homeless language learner novels, shivering, hungry and homeless, by a local freeway off-ramp begging for food and money. Several witnesses claim that some of the novels were holding up cardboard signs offering to give compelling input for food. “The poor things look seriously neglected and abused,” one woman said after handing a dollar bill out the window to a particularly scrawny level 2 novel. “It’s so sad that in a country that values education as much as America does, novels are going hungry out in the cold.” One novel in the group [...]

By |2018-03-23T17:49:13-06:00March 24th, 2018|Categories: Books, Fake News & Satire, Satire|0 Comments

TPRS Novel Makes Daring Escape from Neglectful Teacher’s Bookshelf

CHARLESTON, WV—After years of alleged imprisonment and neglect in a world language classroom, a TPRS novel at long last made a harrowing escape from local high school, sources confirmed Thursday. The novel told local police investigators it was able to escape the classroom where it had been imprisoned and ignored for years by waiting until the exact time that the classroom teacher was away making copies of work packets for the students next week, when it sprinted down the hall, through the abandoned school library and out the side door of the building. A passing motorist saw the novel on [...]

By |2018-02-16T17:11:44-07:00February 16th, 2018|Categories: Books, Fake News & Satire, Reading, Satire|Tags: |0 Comments